Saturday, April 26, 2008

Stress

I'm trying really hard to not stress myself out.  It's not my forte.  I had been doing pretty well because I really thought my LH surge would happen today, we could to the dIUI at the Midwife place and it wouldn't interfere with work at all.  But of course, that's not what happened.  I have yet to surge.  I'm expecting it to happen tomorrow, but who knows at this point.

I haven't yet told my boss about my 'medical' issue.  I have a meeting with her on Monday (which has been delayed for 2 weeks) where I have planned to tell her.  I thought I would be able to get the talk in on time, but now it looks like I may fall short.  I'm going to have to talk to her first thing on Monday because I may have to miss our meeting depending on when the IUI is scheduled.

At the Midwife place, I have to call the morning of my surge between 9 and 9:30 to schedule the IUI (I assume for the following day) except on the weekends when you call the day of the IUI and page the midwife so that she can schedule something with you.  I guess if you surge on a Sunday that you call on Monday between 9 and 9:30 for an appointment that day.  So if I do surge tomorrow, I'll have to do that.

So I'm stressed that this won't work out somehow.  And I don't know if T will be able to be there with me, which sucks.  And my work is getting stricter and stricter about things, and since I want to apply to a new job and get out of the call center asap, missing random hours randomly due to some unexplained 'medical' issue doesn't look so great.  So I'm stressed about that to.  And of course, stress delays ovulation.  Hurray.

I'm trying really hard to just breathe through all of this.  I am.  I have definitely been better at not stressing about things, lately, but this minutiae is driving me crazy!  At least at my RE's office I knew I could call in the afternoon to schedule for the next day.  Not here.  So I have to use the OPK first thing in the morning, which I don't like to do.  I think it throws the timing off.  I hope it's positive tomorrow in the afternoon and I can just call on Monday morning and have it that day.  Of course that may throw off my work meeting and the going away party we're having for one of my co-workers, but we'll see.

Plus I carpool with two people and I'll have to hide the vial of sperm in the back of my car and make sure it doesn't topple over.  I guess I'll have to use towels or something.

Sigh.  I'm really trying hard to not stress out about this.  It will all work out.  It's not big deal.  If worse came to worst, T and I could try on our own and this vial could just go into the freezer and we could try next month.  It wouldn't be the end of the world.  Breathe.  Breathe.

11 comments:

luna said...

oh the details can be so stressful when you are trying to have a life outside of treatment. I really hope you can manage the stress level. I do serious deep breathing exercises -- in through the nose and into the belly, and out again, and repeat. it helps some.

and omg, I can't even imagine being in a carpool hiding a vial of sperm. best of luck with that.

I hope you meeting goes well too. ~luna

The Town Criers said...

It's hard not to be stressed when time plays such a large factor and you can't get a heads up about when things will need to happen beyond a general idea. I hope it all works out, sweetie.

Karen said...

Hi Rachel,

Just found your blog while looking through Melissa's site. I'm also in the Boston area, and had four miscarriages and two cancelled IVF cycles due to poor response before moving on to donor eggs. That finally worked and I was fortunate to have a healthy son in June 06, but I remember the long 3-year journey very well, and hear that same kind of pain in your writing. I hope things work out for you very soon.

christina(apronstrings) said...

i don't remember if you said why you wouldn't? but were i you-i would use a trigger shot. (it forces your body to ovulate)higher success rates and there's no guess work. we only paid $80. for it.

i hope it works out.

Samantha said...

Man, the timing of these things never works out the way we'd like, do they? I hope you'll get your positive surge this afternoon.

ultimatejourney said...

It's true what they say -- the devil's in the details. I hope things come together for you.

Trace said...

Oh yes, the stress! I hear you loud and clear! I told the company I work for that I was getting a long term medical treatment.

My Reality said...

I hate the scheduling of cycling. I hope it has all worked out for you.

Gil said...

Scheduling does indeed suck. I can understand and certainly relate.

I'm curious now though; how did the meeting go and did you talk to your boss about some of it?

Hoping that all is going well.

beagle said...

To all those people who ever told an infertile to 'just relax' . . . this is why it's not possible!

Good Luck with everything!

Susan said...

Trying to get all your ducks in a row can be stressful. I wish you lots of luck juggling everything.