Thursday, December 14, 2006

Ups and Downs

I've started my new job. It's fine. The commute can't be beat, the people are nice, and I'm trusted to do work on my own. The work that we're doing is well respected and beneficial to families and society. These are all good things for me. But I'm having a crisis of faith in myself, I guess. I may have mentioned this before, but I just sometimes feel like I wasted my brain with my work life. If I were still a teacher, I don't think I would feel this way. But I just don't feel like I have a career. I feel like I'm just pushing paper around. The people who were doing the work that I am taking over are just SO excited to get rid of it. I feel like they're dumping all of the shit work on me. When I took this job, I knew I would have to do this work, but I guess I'm just not feeling that good about it or something. T tells me that in a few months after this paperwork is all straightened out that things will be better. Perhaps that is true. But I just kind of feel like shit about the work that I do. I mean, I could have a PhD or a law degree or something. Granted, I didn't want to do these things. I could have stayed with my database work instead of becoming a teacher and be a programmer and moving up on that latter, but I'm not. I didn't want to work in the for-profit world, so I left. I don't regret my teaching. I just regret no longer being a teacher. Why don't I go back? Well, I was miserable when I was a teacher. So I left. I was happy at my last job that was like this one, so maybe I just need to give it some time. I just sort of feel like crap about it. I feel like a glorified secretary. I'm worried that I'm going to have to take meeting minutes. I can't take meeting minutes. I suck at that.

Maybe I'm just lazy and don't want to work hard.

1 comment:

UtRus said...

you can always go back to being a teacher! just like there are good and shity places to work (doing the same thing) there are good and shitty teaching situations.

I have a friend who was just about to give up on teaching when she found a job teaching at a children's hospital - teaching the kids who have to be in for a long time. She loves it. And it's a completely different situation than a school situation.