3 weeks

The anticipation is killing me. I keep fearing the worst and hoping for the best. N asked if we could have some girl talk on Sunday, but she never answered her phone or called, and she hasn't responded to my texts since then.

I'm sure she's uncomfortable, and she's had a pretty crappy pregnancy, and she told me that she is feeling sad about the upcoming adoption, so I think all of these things factor in to us not communicating much, but it is still freaking me out a little.

Really, things could happen at any time, but I'm thinking it's going to be the week of Feb 18.

Like I said, the anticipation is killing me.

Sigh.

Thanks

Thank you for your reassuring comments. I gave notice to PN and Henry seems excited about it. I made a calendar to show him how many more days he has there and when I pointed to his last day he said, "Yeah! Because I don't like PN!" So I guess he will not suffer any trauma over this.

Meanwhile, we have one month to go until the baby is born.


Edited to add:

Also, I'm scared!

I forget what it's like to have a baby. Diaper blowouts and feeding every couple of hours. Not being able to sit in traffic because it's feeding time.

Henry was an incredibly easy baby. He never cried, he slept all the time. He only woke up once per night after about 8 weeks and by 14 weeks he was sleeping through the night.

I'm 41 years old.

How are we going to do this?!?!

I'm excited too. But this waiting is hard. I just want to be figuring this out already. The anticipation is killing me!

Henry and school

Henry goes to two different schools. He goes to a private nursery (PN) in the morning, twice a week. Then he goes to a public Pre-K program in the afternoons, four times a week. I pick him up at PN and he eats lunch in the car and then I drop him off at Pre-K. It's pretty chaotic.

So, next month there is a week of vacation starting Feb 17. We will probably go to FL for the baby at the end of that week and stay for most of the following week.

He has been having lots of discipline and behavior problems at PN. He started out going four times a week, but he was too much for them to handle and we switched down to the two days where they have the smallest enrollment because he needs so much one on one attention.

So, with him missing half of February and me not know how I can deal with a newborn who will need to feed when I have to drop him off and pick him up and eat in the car, I am thinking about pulling him out of the morning school.

Henry tells me he doesn't really like PN. He seems to like it well enough to me, but when I ask him why he has so much trouble making good choices there, he says it's because he doesn't like it. He likes Pre-K.

When I mentioned to Henry what he thought about not going back to PK, he was all for it.

I told the director of PK that we were thinking of pulling him. She seemed pretty ambivalent about it. I feel pretty ambivalent about it too. I'm not sure if it's a bad idea or not. I do think it will make my life easier. The baby will be home in March. The weather will be getting better. We will be able to play outside in the mornings and we can even walk to Pre-K with the baby in the stroller.

Is it bad to pull Henry out of PK in the middle of the school year? I want somebody to tell me that it's ok to do.

Blah.

In touch

I spoke with N this evening. She is feeling really sick and the reality that this is going to happen soon is hitting her and she is beginning to feel sad about it.

She told me that the doctor said they want to induce her at 39 weeks. Her due date is Feb 28, so looks like it's going to be closer to 5 weeks from now.

Things are on track.

Ack.

More information

The social worker from the attorney's office talked to N again. She reiterated that she is feeling very sick. She said that she has no intentions of keeping the baby at all.

I feel awful. I hope they don't think we are a$$holes.

I feel so helpless and out of control.

The baby is due in 6 weeks.

Nervous

Feeling scared and nervous today. I haven't had a real conversation with N for over a week. She missed her last two doctor's appointments, according to our attorney.

I had two brief voice contacts with her and one today with B, the expectant dad. He answered her cell phone. She clearly didn't want to talk to me, but he sounded like he felt bad that she hadn't called me back at all.

I'm figuring that if they were backing out that he wouldn't have answered the phone at all.

The attorney did have contact with N as well. She said she hasn't been feeling well. B told me that they were about to do laundry and were just very busy.

I don't need to have a long conversation. I just need to know that they are doing ok and that everything is still on track. I need to be sure they haven't decided to back out. If they don't want to talk to me, I understand. That is fine. But if they are thinking of parenting, I hope that they would tell us.

I'm freaking out a bit. I think that she might just be not feeling well and not in a good emotional place, which is completely understandable. But I am still worried.

Visited

Our visit with expectant parents N & B was harrowing, but good. We had a difficult time connecting, more difficult than we had hoped, but when we did finally meet up it was great.

Well, it was really sad. B is having an especially difficult time with the placement. But he said meeting us and seeing us helped him a lot. He knows that they cannot parent this baby right now no matter how much he wishes he could.

We even met N's mom and stepdad and one of her daughters. They are all supportive of the adoption.

They asked us about names. We told them we'd like to meet the baby before deciding, but that we had a few in mind. We asked what they wanted to name the baby and we liked the name a lot. After we got home, we asked if we could use the name they like as a middle name so that the baby could have one name from us and one name from them. They loved that idea.

We cried and hugged. T and I are so glad we decided to go down there.

Seven more weeks.