Monday, May 27, 2013

Parenting is hard

I'm usually pretty patient, but I lost it. I really, really yelled. My throat hurts. But he goads me and hits me and pushes me and he doesn't listen, and I just lose it.

There are some days, like yesterday, where I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with Henry and a newborn.  He has some real behavior issues.

I had him evaluated through the public school system in our town and they determined he needed some extra services. He has pretty poor social skills and some anger management issues. There is an integrated preschool at an elementary school where he can get some extra services. The thing is, though, that it is only three mornings a week during the summer. I had previously signed him up for a school that was 5 days a week from 9-3. That way I knew I would be able to handle him and a new baby. But we think it's really important that he go to this school because we really need some help dealing with him.

So, we could send him to the summer program I originally signed him up for, but then he wouldn't be getting the extra services. We could start the new school in the fall.

In the fall, he would go in the afternoons. I'm hoping to send him, in the morning, to the school where he goes now. The thing about that is, I have this fear that he's going to be asked to not come back to his current school.  It seems that Henry takes about 90% of the teacher's time in the classroom. He is disruptive, destructive and doesn't listen. (He is like that at home, too.)

I guess I have to hold judgement until I know for sure about the fall.  Meantime, I have to figure out something for the summer. I'm hoping maybe he can go to the place he went last summer for 2 days and then I'd just have to be concerned about the afternoons for 3 days. I'm thinking of hiring a babysitter for some of them, and then my mom can help.

Parenting is so hard, and Henry is really a difficult kid to parent. We are trying. I try really hard and am pretty good about being patient, but tonight I just lost it and I feel horrible.


Lollipop Goldstein said...

But you said it all with your title. Parenting IS very, very hard. Can you imagine working in an office, and the person you're managing behaves that way? It is an impossibly hard job, and everyone has nights like these. Just sending a hug.

Delenn said...


As someone who has an ADHD/Aspergers child, I know how it can be very frustrating...and it can be even harder to concentrate on two children's needs when one child's needs are a bit more than usual.

I would suggest you ask your pediatrician if he could help with a separate evaluation.

Perhaps there are accommodations that can be made at the school to help with disruptions?

Wishing you all the best.

Heather Davis said...

Every parent, including me, has had these nights. Really, it's okay.
I will also say that just because your child has problems (which, kudos to you for finding the proper help at the right time) did not turn you into a super human robot. You are a person, a person who thinks and feels like the rest of us. While Henry may not be able to control himself or know why he does the things he does... you are still human and will react that way.
Give yourself a pass, it's not like you react like that all the time.
Hugs to you.

Sue said...

You're not alone - everyone has difficult days when we wish we could have responded better. Henry is at a hard age too when anger management is hard. I'm sure his anger management skills will improve a lot with some extra help and the passage of time. My son has had problems like that as well and I'm amazed at how much he's improved.

Happy said...

I have similar issues with my daughter. She's been getting early intervention since she was 2 and she's now 4. She really needs a behavioral therapist to go to pre-school with her to help make her learn to make the right choices, but I'm still working on getting the paperwork.

I'm totally impressed that you're going for a sibling! Our daughter has exhausted us. We were mulling over when she's in 1st grade and whether of not the behavioral stuff has improved.