Monday, November 02, 2009

Spoiled

Sometimes I feel so spoiled. Here I am at home trying to figure out how to juggle dropping something off at my brother's house, feeding Henry, walking the dog and showering all in time to meet some other adoptive moms for coffee. Such problems to have, right? Poor T is miserable at work and this is what I'm struggling with.

I know T wouldn't be happy staying at home full time -- it's just not his gig. But I do sometimes feel guilty that I get to grapple with things like this, which I honestly don't find particularly stressful, when he is really stressed out at work. He tells me to not feel bad about it and I try not to, but sometimes I just can't help it.

Even though I wasn't due back to work until next week, I'm definitely feeling like resigning from my position was the right thing for me to do. I am so glad I didn't have to go out and find day care for Henry. That is such a daunting task and I am not envious of people having to do that. I know at some point I will want Henry to go, whether I start working or not, but for now having him home with me is such a luxury and I am so happy that we were able to make it happen.

It's so weird that I'm feeling so 'lucky' lately. I'm so used to walking around feeling bitterness toward everything all the time. I can't say that all of my bitterness is gone, as I still have acute feelings of bitterness related to our infertility. But I don't generally walk around feeling bitter toward everything constantly. It does come up from time to time, but it doesn't color everything anymore. I'm not sure whether or not I'm having a difficult time re-adjusting. I seem to do okay. My shields are up a lot, but I'm not sure that things are being thrown at me too often.

People ask how Bdog is responding to the baby. Bdog is generally indifferent toward Henry. It's the cats I worry about. Exhibit A:


6 comments:

Blessed said...

I could have wrote this myself...My hubby could never be a stay at home dad but work has been so rough lately so I feel bad for being home going to play dates and trying to juggle homework and nap times...Your def not alone in this!

But yes LUKCY WE ARE!

ultimatejourney said...

I feel a little spoiled too. But I have tough days too, when A and I just aren't seeing eye to eye. Or she's teething, etc.

Overall, you are making an important contribution to the family by spending your days with Henry. And honestly, T's life is generally much less stressful for you being home, even if you can't make his workday better. Judging by the pic, I'd say things are great for him at home :)

ME Gregory said...

Totally understandable how you are feeling. Just remember everything has it's time, and T can be jealous of you when you are dealing with teething and your 18 mos old telling you no or having to become some crazy kinda puppet master to get them to do anything in the time you want them too! Then, you'll be asking for one of those stressful days at work!! :-) it's all good, and after all you've been through to have your son, I'm so happy you get to have these kind of days - they are truly wonderful and I agree we are lucky to get to be with them full time.

Nancy said...

Cute picture with the cats! I'm glad you're feeling good about things.

Robin said...

Don't feel guilty. You deserve to enjoy these moments. It has been what you have been waiting for, right?

That picture with the cats is hilarious! Talk about needing attention! hehe

littlezen said...

I often feel guilty too. I KNOW my husband would love to stay home with Lovey Girl, but his income doubled mine. I used to have a lot of anger too, but it eventually just faded away. I number of times I found myself amazed at the change in me and all I could do was hug her and tell her how much I love her.