Sad again

This episode has made me sad again. I am so ready for a baby *right now* that I'm just not sure how to proceed.  I have no particular interest in experiencing pregnancy. I am much more interested in expediency. I'm just not sure which route will be faster.

I mean, if we do this embryo donation thing, which I'm not even sure is likely because the potential west coast donor has not been particularly communicative with us unless we're being really forward, then it's going to be a year before a baby. Without question.

If we just wait, there is the possibility that a baby could come sooner. But it's also possible it would take even longer than a year.

All I know is that this really sucks and I'm sad. And the check engine light on my car came on this morning and I'm kind of pissed about it. And I still miss my dog a lot (even though I have to admit life is much easier without him here). But I just miss him.

I feel so lonely all of the time. Staying at home can be such a challenge sometimes because I am extremely extroverted, and talking with other adults helps me unwind and relax. I don't get to do that particularly often. I find myself jealous when people post on "Face Space" that they have a meeting. Meetings suck -- I remember well -- but I just wish I could be in a room with adults only for an hour and talk about something that doesn't involve going to the bathroom or making a mess.

Hoo boy, I am a mess right now. And I don't even have PMS.

Blah.