Thursday, December 17, 2009

Friendships

How do you know when it is time to end a friendship?

I have been friends with this person for a long time -- over ten years. But I feel like I have to be SO CAREFUL about EVERYTHING I say less she take offense. She thinks I am very self centered. I think she's very self centered.

I'm not sure I have the energy to work this out this time. (This is the person who made the "pain Olympics" statement to me. She thinks I think everything is about me and I'm always out to "win" somehow.)

Does that means I just should leave it be and let the friendship die?

8 comments:

Layla- Miss CanAm said...

ugh isn't that just the hardest thing? But it sounds to me like she isn't much of a friend- just someone who is using you. I would just let it fade- don't call, let her call (Which i'm sure you'll find she doesn't do as often as you used to). I wouldn't go out and say- I don't want to be your friend- just let it die out. You are a mom now, you have WAY more important things to do than waste your energy trying to care about whatever is going on in her life. I would have ended it with the "pain Olympics" comment- that is very very hurtful and disrespectful to how you are feeling.
Just my two cents :)
-Marci

Kelly said...

I think it's okay to let friendships run their course. I guess I don't think they're supposed to be so much work, you know? I agree with Layla - maybe you can just leave the work up to her and let it fade. It sounds like she won't be one to reach out to you and it can go. It's sad, but it doesn't sound like this is much of a source of joy for you. Sorry you're having to deal with this.

Sue said...

Maybe you two need a break from each other, which would give you an opportunity to let the friendship wither and die. Sometimes people outgrow each other - it's not anyone's fault.

Almamay said...

I say drop her and don't look back. I was so relieved when I did that with my old friend who accused me of the same "pain Olympics". When she contacted me in June through FB after 4 years I thought to myself, "You've got to be kidding! I don't need that hassel back in my life." and I deleted her message and friend request. You'll wonder why you were ever friends in the first place! Her loss not yours. You are worth knowing.

Deborah said...

It doesn't have to be an all-or-nothing thing, and you don't necessarily have to tell your friend. Just call her less often. Take longer to return calls when she calls you. In group settings, spend more time with other people. It will probably end itself naturally that way.

Hekateris said...

I don't know. I'm in the process of letting a 20 year friendship die over stupid stuff that I have grown past, but it would appear the other party has not, so, meh. I've got other things to do, more important things (hello, Chieftain) to worry about.

All you have to do is call less often, and when you do, don't get involved in personal stuff, etc, etc.

Knock Me Up said...

It is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do but sometimes you do have to let old friendships die. You have to ask yourself one question -- does this relationship bring value to your life. If the answer is no then you owe it to yourself to say so long. We have too many other places to put our energy, love, and care than into something that tries to make less of you than more of you. I wish you the best as you navigate through this. Even if it is the right decision it is still painful.

beagle said...

tough call. I used to be inclined to end a thing like this, now I am more inclined to just not continue it. like others have said, just letting it fade sounds best here. that leaves a door open and if she steps up then . . . well maybe that's OK too but you won't feel as irritated at the lack of reciprocity if you stop giving.

(said by someone who,just 2 yrs ago, would have prefered the momentary satisfaction of slamming the door shut in a case like this and then beating myself with doubt/guilt . . . )