Longer than I thought

I spoke with the PGD embryologist today. In order for the big biotech to be able to do the PGD, we have to fill out the financial packet and send in payment. Then we can have our blood drawn so they can make the 'pattern' in order to perform the PGD. It takes 6-12 weeks from the time they recieve the blood to be ready to perform our specific PGD, so I definitely won't be starting fertility meds soon. It's going to be at least two months.

So, this isn't my last 2ww. If we're not pregnant, we'll have next month to try again.

It's so weird. The NP told me I should be able to start right away, and knew we had to do PGD. I was feeling time pressure because I didn't want to put it off if I didn't have to. I have all these appointments bunched up so I could fit them in before af was due. The NP even told me the people I needed to call. It came as such a shock that it would be so long. If they had just said it can take 2 -3 months until we would be ready for the PGD then I wouldn't feel disappointed, but now I sort of do. It's only a slight sense of disappointment, though, because I felt like things were happening so quickly and I didn't understand anything that was going on. Now I feel like I understand what is going on better. But, I'm still a little disappointed that I was lead to believe this was going to start happening right away.

Still, all and all things are going as well as they can in the trying to make a baby department.

My friend E is returning to work already. Baby S is going to be 3 months. Time goes by so quickly.

The beginning of the beginning

We had an RE appointment in the middle of the day Friday. T had to leave work and drive there, but it's close enough to my work that I can walk. I was planning to be gone about an hour. We hoped the dear doctor wasn't running too far behind. There was one other couple in the waiting room when we got there. It was five minutes before our appointment time when we arrived. Reasonably quickly the other couple was called in, and we were left to ourselves in the waiting room. People started coming in and leaving as we were waiting. About a half an hour after our appointment was supposed to occur, someone comes in to tell us our RE had to be called into the ER and perform emergency surgery, and that we wouldn't be able to see him. After silently wondering what type of surgeries REs perform, we were informed we would be able to see the NP so that our time wouldn't be wasted. We waited about 20 more minutes before we were able to see her.

The NP seemed nice and very capable. She, of course, knew nothing of us personally, but she took some notes to give to the doctor so he can create a protocol for us, and told us who to call and which appointments to make so that we could get all set up and not waste time. I was on day 12, and she didn't see why, if everything went smoothly, I wouldn't be able to start my BCPs on day 1 of my next cycle.

Since I was on cd 12, we asked if we should try this one last time before starting IVF. I was thinking in my head that we should. T agreed with me on that one. Even if we end up miscarrying, I want to know we tried as best we could to conceive the old fashioned way. The NP also said that IVF is such a huge deal, and if there's any way to have a successful pregnancy without it, you should. So, we're going to ttc one last time before starting this journey. Worst case scenario, we have another miscarriage and put off the IVF for three (or so) months. Best case scenario we have a healthy baby in 9 months. Middle scenario, we start IVF next month.

So I guess we'll have one more 2ww. We're beginning our long road, but so far, I feel like things are going our way.

The strangest thing

We're back. It was nice to get away. Portland, OR is such a lovely city. We also took an overnight trip to Bend, OR and toured around central OR. So cool. We drove through Bakeoven, which is one of the smallest towns I've ever seen. We stayed at the Old St. Francis School, which I recommend. McMenamins has a bunch of restaurant/hotel/movie theater places created from former public buildings. They buy them cheap, fix them up, and post information about the history of the place. What a great idea! The food is good and if you stay, you can see movies for free! We saw Cars. It was cute.

So, alas I did not even have to POAS. AF started one day before I expected. That means that I'm convinced I've had at least one chemical pregnancy between now and then. I've been getting so down about this. It's 6 months since the last time we were officially pregnant. I know that's not long in the IF world, but it's coming on the time I would have been due, and it's getting more difficult to remain optimistic. So I've been feeling sad lately.

My cell phone rang at work. It was about 4:45. It was the insurance coordinator at my RE's office. She said, "You've been approved for your IVF cycle." I couldn't believe it! This wasn't even an appeal. This was a first try. We're not supposed to get coverage. So I yelled, "No way!" She insisted that yes, we've been approved. I asked, "For just one cycle?" Those I know in MA with a balanced translocation were covered for only one cycle. Her answer? "For three cycles." My head spins. Three cycles?!?! With no appeal?!?!?

I can't believe it. We're approved for three IVF cycles. Three.

I can't believe it.

I can't believe it.

Gone for a while

I'm leaving tomorrow on business, so I'm not going to be posting for a while. My 2ww will be over by the time I post again. I'm not sure how to read my body. I have sore b00bs, which seems to be the norm at this point. My bbts are not very high, which I think isn't a particularly good sign. But, this time I feel like I've been having some uterine twitches -- menstrual-like cramps, but it's way too early for that. I'm trying like H-E double hockey sticks to not read too much into that, but failing. However, given my low bbts, I feel like I shouldn't keep my hopes up. I'll probably bring a pee stick along with me to the Pacific Northwest. But tomorrow it's just to Baltimore.

I hope everybody has a nice couple of weeks!

Food

Last night we had dinner with my parents, my brother and sister-in-law and my two nieces, and some friends of the family. It was so lovely. We had steak, fresh corn on the cob, and I made a fresh blueberry pie with in-season wild blueberries, and it was super delicious. It was a little bit runny, but I'm told that's how fresh blueberry pies are. It didn't look too pretty, but it was so super yummy. I love blueberries. These were tiny, but so flavorful. Yum.

Today we are going food shopping so that I can have the ingredients I need to feed 6 people on Monday night. I'm going to make homemade mac&cheese with this eggplant/tomato hors d'oeuvre yummy thing and a salad, with peach/mixed berry crisp for dessert. Should be super yummers. I love cooking for people. I don't do it often enough. I've felt to busy lately, anyway. Although, I did cook for E&R recently. Was that last week?

Looking for pg signs, but finding none. It's early yet, but I just can't help myself. For some reason I'm not feeling particularly hopeful right now. But as we all know, I'm a big exaggerator, creator of symptoms, and making nothing into something. I just can't help myself.

We went to see the RE yesterday. T's semen analysis was excellent. I asked about Human Sperm Karotyping, and he didn't know anything about it. T and I are curious about seeing what percentage of sperm carry an unbalanced number of chromosomes and what number are normal. If, say, 95% of his sperm are unbalanced, the chances of us carrying to term is extremely low. But it doesn't seem like this test is well known or performed often, so I don't think it's going to happen.

With our current insurance, our initial appeal will be flat-out rejected. Our second appeal may get us one IVF cycle only. I am feeling saddened and frustrated by this. We have to be unable to conceive for a calendar year in order to get IVF coverage. Right now that means we would have to not be able to get pg until February or March or something. I'm getting discouraged about things these days, so it doesn't seem impossible that this will be true. But I feel so impatient about this. It's taking way too long. I will be 35 in May. Ugh. Just writing that down is freaking me out. If we don't have a baby until I'm like 36, how are we ever going to be able to have a second one? I'm feeling pretty negative right now. I'm afraid that we will get one IVF cycle and we'll get a BFN or there will be no 'normal' (for lack of a better work) embryos. I'm afraid of passing this bt on to my children and them having to go though this. I'm afraid of getting pregnant and miscarrying again, which will put off having additional insurance. I'm also afraid of not ttc anymore because there are people with bt who have healthy babies through persistence. This whole thing sucks, and it's rearing its ugly head in our lives again.

Good thing out next two weeks are totally chaotic.