Friday, November 02, 2012

Behavior Issues

Henry is having some behavior issues. I know this is pretty normal for an active three-year-old boy, but he is having problems in school. Today was a particularly bad day. He had to go sit in the director's office for a bit. One of the teachers told me that they felt like one of them had to stay with H and be one-on-one with him and that left the other teacher to deal with all of the other kids. He is openly defiant and doesn't respond to consequences.

They know I know this. He is like this at home. I am pretty consistent and do the time out thing and I can, with time and effort and endless patience (sometimes), get him to do what I need him to do.

He is also really fine sometimes. If we go to a playground, he is usually pretty good. He is very active and loves to climb.  He is a little handsy at times, but if I put him in time out at the playground he will stay in time out and usually be a bit better afterward.

The thing is, he has biological relatives who have some serious behavioral issues. Some of this stuff must be genetic. I am a little afraid.

I don't want him to get kicked out of school. I don't want him to have no friends.

Today I am worried. I left a voice mail to my old therapist to get some advice. I really, sincerely hope he grows out of this, but I am concerned.

He can be so wonderful sometimes. And he's adorable. Why can't he just listen a little bit?


Delenn said...

Hopefully, it is the terrible Threes. (I know they say Terrible Twos--but I really really think its Three that is one of the worst ages!)

Most likely, it is only that and he will grow out of it. :-)

But. If it is something more, just being aware like you are and being proactive like you are--you will be the person that will help him through. :-)

(My son has ADHD/Aspergers issues, but they could not diagnosis that until he was about 5-6 years old--so I know the behavior issues at school all too well, unfortunately)

Wishing you the best, hon!

ultimatejourney said...

You and I should chat offline. The specifics in our family are different but I have recent experience in this area that may be of interest.

Almamay said...

Sorry to hear you are worried. I have been having the same thing with Boo. I remind myself that because of his birth date he is the youngest in his year at nursery, some of the kids are almost a whole year older. Even a few months at this age makes a big difference. On the whole Boo is up to the challenge of behaving like a big boy. Then he isn't and that is where the problems start. Nothing a little cuddle (sometimes forced on him) can't cure. It was only a few months ago he was still a baby in nappies.

Henry and Boo are challenging us and being defiant because that is part of the growing process. And again, I have to remind myself of this over and over again on particularly bad days. It is actually a sign of intelligence. The only placid and compliant children I have seen at this age have been later diagnosed with learning disabilities.

I try to be calm and when he pushes and tests me push the boundaries I try and stay firm. This is much easier said than done. Clever kids will just keep pushing and pushing to the point of parental exhaustion. But that is their job. They need to test the boundaries.

I hope the teachers at his school realise they are dealing with an intelligent kid and don't turn that into something negative. I have seen some teachers try this with smart kids when they aren't up for the challenge of being challenged. If they can't handle being challenged then they shouldn't be teaching.

Keep strong my friend. Your boy is a real cutie as well!
p.s. Is your boy babbling nonsense words? Mine is and another friend says her 3 year old is doing the same thing but says he is speaking French when he does it.

Yo-yo Mama said...

Listen to your gut.

And take heart, as well. With my son, you can definitely recognize the genetic connection of ADD/ADHD between himself and his dad, and while his dad (my husband) said school was a struggle and he wasn't "popular" (in the cheerleader/football player kind of way), he is respected, trusted, liked and of course, I fell in love with him in spite of his tendencies to not hear me, messiness and distractibility.

I remind myself of all these things when my son's behavior makes me want to pull my hair out.

DrSpouse said...

Thinking of you, and wondering if we'll have this to come...

Happy said...

I hear you. Sounds like what we have going on with stron willed wonder.

DrSpouse said...

I'm just checking back to see how things are going, and also because I need to find someone to return a comment to from ICLW, and I'm just blogging away in my lonely little corner, apart from my regular bloggy friends like you!