I've been wallowing for the past few days. I don't know how people try every month for an entire year with no results. It's excruciating. This cycle will be our 8th cycle with 2 pregnancies and 2 detectable losses. My pregnancies feel like they were so long ago. I was always sad when I miscarried, especially with the second one, (devistated, really) but I felt like I was able to move on. I'm finding myself thinking about how the due dates of my miscarriages are coming up and it makes me feel so empty. I was IMing with E this morning, and just thinking about her home with baby S made me sad. I just feel like I don't know what we're going to do, and that it can take so many years to have a baby happen and I just don't have that much time.
So, between talking to our therapist and needing to do something, I've set up appointments. T has his semen analysis on Thursday, which is the same day I will have my day 3 blood tests. On the 24th I am having some sort of uterine cavity x-ray with contrast dye. I don't know the name of this test, but I was told to take 3 ibuprophen 1 hour before the test, so I don't much like the way that sounds. If anybody knows anything about this, please let me know. ME, is this the "blow the cobwebs out" test you mentioned to me the other day?
Anyway, we then have a follow up appointment with our RE on September 1 to set up a protocol and start fighting with the insurance company. I know it will take some time and effort, but we should be able to eventually get some coverage. I think by the time we get through all of this and get to approval it will be time for us to try the IVF with PGD. So I guess we've taken our first solid steps toward that goal. In the meantime we can keep ttc, and if we get and remain pg between now and then, bonus for us. If not, we have our first attempt all set up.
I'm feeling okay about all of this for the most part. I guess I was convinced that it would be easy for us to get pg again, but that doesn't seem the case unless I'm having a m/c before a pg is even detectable. I know, I'm a crazy woman for thinking this, but I just can't help it. We got pg two times in a row the first two times we tried, and now -- nothing. But I suppose that's all irrelavent. I simply want to have a healthy pg as soon as possible.