Happy & sad

Going through a pretty hard core "feeling so very happy & elated for other people and totally feeling so sad for myself" mixed feeling kinda thing here.

I know that's ok. I know it's normal. I know it will never 100% go away.

But feeling it still kinda sucks.

Family Tree already?

So, it's H's third full day of preschool and I'm handed a paper by the teacher that says "H's family tree." Oy. The teacher says to "put pictures of your family on it. It's like an 'all about you' activity." So I'm going to ignore this and just put pics of me, H, T, Bdog and R cat on there.

That's ok, right? H is totally not able to talk about adoption on his own right now and I think it's pretty safe to do just our family at home because, really, that's what this thing is for. It's about who you live with. Right?

I didn't expect to have to deal with this already!

They should just label the paper "H's Family" and I'd feel a lot better about it.

Oy.

A Different Expectant Mom

We got an email asking us if we wanted our profile shown with a small amount of background information. Long story short, we had our profile shown to an expectant mom.

She chose a family that didn't already have a child. We expect this to happen a lot.

Our profile has lots of pictures of our happy family. I wonder if we should have fewer pictures of H in there? But I don't want to be dishonest. We *do* have a child. And I imagine there are expectant parents who want their child to have siblings.

It's still kind of disappointing and I'm not sure what to do about it. I suppose we'll just leave things as they are.

But all of the paperwork is off and we are 100% waiting. Before we know it we will have to renew our home study.

But I guess it's good we've already had two chances to show our profile (though we chose to show it only once)?

So now

So, now that we decided to say no to this special situation, it put a fire under my butt to complete the profile for our adoption attorney in Florida. I'm 95% finished with it and that will get us really, truly waiting for a placement.

The expectant mom that we are not showing our profile to is due in January. January would have been a perfect time to welcome a new baby into our lives. I can't say that I'm not still sad about it, but I know it was what was right for us.

I know someday there will be a sibling for our H and that I will be a mom again. It might not be as soon as I would have liked, but that's just our lot in life.

Meanwhile, 3 is really, really tough but still really good.

Sleeping on it

We were presented a situation and I think we're turning it down. It involves drug exposure and HIV. My heart skipped a beat when T told me the attorney called, but it feels like more risk than we are willing to take on and I'm not excited at the prospect of being chosen. We think that means something.

Still, it's leaving me feeling a bit empty and sad.

We'll sleep on it but don't think we'll change our mind.