We've told a few people. My parents. My brothers and their families. T should be calling his mom tonight to tell her. I told one friend because she was making plans to come to Boston around the time the baby is due (!) and normally stays with us, and I had to tell her that this probably wouldn't work out this time.
Telling is really difficult. The fourth tell was the easiest so far. I just said it. "We were matched with a potential birth mother."
There are lots of questions about her. I'm trying to answer as few of them as possible. I explain that it's our child's story and we're erring on the side of caution with keeping the information private.
I won't believe in this until it actually happens, but conversation does turn to cribs and planning and organizing the baby's room, especially from my mother. I try to push it back. Nothing is sure until it is sure. The only thing we're really thinking about buying at this time is a car seat. Everything else we would need we can get later.
We went to a fireworks show. There were, of course, tons of children there. It didn't bother us so much this time.
But it's still weird to tell. I still feel like this is all a big secret. In fact, our story is not a big secret except at work. So maybe this will feel secret until I tell someone at work, which I have decided I'm not going to do until we come back from our vacation.
I just don't want many people to know until it has really happened. This feels weird.
Life as an adoptive family.
My Story
- Rachel
- 4 miscarriages, 3 failed IVFs with PGD, 2 different sperm donors, 1 diagnosis of balanced translocation. Now we are the proud parents of a boy via domestic infant semi-open adoption. We had a failed match for kid #2 and are now matched again.
7 comments:
I don't blame you - it feels weird for anyone who experiences - for the first real time - the prospect of becoming a parent.
That said, the advice I keep getting is to enjoy every day. Sometimes that's easier than other days, but sometimes it feels good. Do what you need to do, whatever that is.
I'm SO excited for you, and very, very hopeful.
This is so exciting and yet so hard. I am holding my breath for you!
I can only imagine just how hard this is - the waiting, the not being able to share the (potentially) great news. My thoughts are with you (and the birth mom)!
I can't imagine how you both feel right now. Must be a mixture of excitement and terror. Sending my thoughts. xoxox
I can understand your caution about 'telling' and getting attached to the situation. People you tell may not be as sensitive to the uncertainties of the situation. At the same time, I imagine there are people you have to tell for practical reasons (i.e. work people.) I hope you are able to find a good balance of who to tell and when.
My fingers will remain tightly crossed for you and T these next couple months.
BTW, if you want to borrow any infant gear, let me know. I have a bunch and it can arrive all at once when you're ready, with no trips to big scary baby stores :)
Thank you so much for sharing. I too worry about all the "telling" that will hopefully happen someday soon. When to tell, what to tell, who to tell...it's all very confusing, but I guess it will all come out when it's meant to. Hang in there!!
You are like us in that we also were matched 8 weeks before the baby's due date. It's such a surreal time, and I truly get your hesitation over telling people and preparing your home. I didn't allow a crib to come into our home until after Andrew was born (btw, he was 4 weeks early!). However, don't worry about holding off on "stuff". The hospital will send you home with whatever you need to get started. I'm so excited for you during this time, though I know you are a jumble of emotions. It's all good . . .
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