MIL went back home. It's funny -- it's sad to see her go, but I'm so glad she's gone. It would be nice if she could live closer, but both T and I tried to bring it up and she has no interest in moving out here.
After we dropped MIL off at the airport, we went to buy dog food. There is a Bab1es.R.U$ in the same mall, and we actually went in there and looked at car seats. I only had a couple of mini-panics, but I didn't even come close to tears. We learned some stuff and we need to do some more research.
We also walked over the the furniture department. Yikes. My parents wanted to buy us a crib. Everything looked so HUGE to me.
Since we were on a roll, I called my brother and SIL asking if we could come by and see their old furniture. I honestly liked what they had much more than anything in the store. I think we may use all of that and just buy a new mattress, pads, etc.
I've also been looking into eco-diapering. We're thinking about doing these new-fangled cloth diapers or g.D1apers. With disposables when necessary.
We didn't buy anything or bring anything home. All this will be done when we know things are truly going to happen. But I allowed myself to think about all of these things.
Intellectually I know this may happen and I'm letting myself plan a little, but I don't truly feel it inside. I don't feel hopeful or excited or optimistic. I just want to prepare as much as I can. And I know that despite holding back hope and excitement that if things fall through, I'm going to be devastated. But I'm not sure I'll be surprised.
Life as an adoptive family.
My Story
- Rachel
- 4 miscarriages, 3 failed IVFs with PGD, 2 different sperm donors, 1 diagnosis of balanced translocation. Now we are the proud parents of a boy via domestic infant semi-open adoption. We had a failed match for kid #2 and are now matched again.
8 comments:
Oh Rachel.. This is so hard.
But, you are allowing yourself to look which means you have more hope in your heart than fear!
I use a combination of the cloth diapers (Bum Genius) and disposables, and I'm pretty sure it's saving us money. Kind of hard to do the calculations. But I don't find them to be that much of a pain to use, or that much extra laundry. Won't you need a carseat before you bring the baby home? I'm so excited for you!
I am always excited to read your updates.....I'm sure you want to guard your heart, but on the other hand you do need to have things for the baby! I am excited for you and hope that it all works out great!
Glad you had a good time with MIL.
I'm with you on the BIG emotions flying at you as you try and convince yourself there is a very good chance you are going to be a mum very soon. Obviously our situations are different but you write of the same emotions.
I have ordered 5 Bum Genius cloth diapers that Deborah has talked about. I'm going to give them a try and see how I get on. They come highly recommended.
It took me a long time. Even after the baby came home. I was SO happy and thankful to have been blessed, but it's very hard to just automatically flip a switch after so many years of diappoints and failures. Lovey Girl's mother had signed the papers right away, but my husband wouldn't even believe it was real because we had been burned so badly with the two previous situations.
It is very scary to start buying things. Our friends and family gave us a bunch of hand-me-downs. We threw them in closets until our closets were over-flowing. Finally we did some rearranging to devote an actual room to the possible baby. I even put the crib and changing table together one night. Mostly I tried not to go into that room, but as it got closer, sometimes I would go in and just smile. We tried to be "cautiously optimistic" and prepare what we had to.
BTW, we use the Bum.Genius 3.0 and have had no problems with it whatsoever. We love them.
Having been there, I know it's difficult to let go and just enjoy this time of preparation. But, my train of thought was, I'd already been robbed of so much, I wasn't going to let my fear get in the way of what will be a once in a lifetime experience.
(((hugs))))
It is so hard.
Whenever I read about ppl who don't hold back at all and who jump right in when they are matched...I cringe. I was slightly pessimistic up until the papers were signed. Heck, I think it took me a couple of weeks after that...
But? This is all very exciting.
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