One week

There is one week left until the baby's due date.

I just spoke with the social worker. K is still committed to the adoption. But she knows how difficult it is going to be. My heart is breaking for her already. She doesn't want to meet us or see us in the hospital or anything. She wants to have the baby, see him once and then leave the hospital and try to move on.

I am in a very sad place around all of this. I know adoption is difficult, and I remember clearly how difficult it was to leave the hospital with Henry and watch CC and O. drive off without him. My heart broke in that moment and I do carry that around with me. My heart is already breaking for K.

So, even though the baby is due in a week, we probably won't fly down to go to him until after the consent forms are signed.

Most likely he will go in the NICU because of the meth@d0ne, though it isn't guaranteed. We have no idea how long he might be in there.

I just wish I could plan around this. Things are crazy at T's work and I don't know how to deal with a very active almost 4 year old while waiting around for his newborn brother. My parents want to come down with us, but I don't want them to know about the meth@d0ne.

I am feeling stressed and ready and sad.

Waiting game commence.