Open Adoption Roundtable #18

We each interacted with at least one professional during the adoption process (agency, lawyer, facilitator, consultant, hospital social worker, etc.). What was one thing that they did that was most supportive of open adoption? What one thing was least supportive?

Massachusetts is an agency state. Our agency was great. They had us educate ourselves a lot about openness and even required that we meet with some birth parents as part of our home study. We asked questions about how they felt about openness which really helped me learn what it was about and helped alleviate some of my fears about it. Our agency definitely encouraged openness, even if it was just in our approach to adoption. I really appreciate all that our agency did to help us.

Henry was born in Florida. We used an attorney down there. Her attorney has an assistant/paralegal. She was awful. I know another couple who used the same attorney. They also had problems with this assistant. What makes me really sad is that she, herself is an adoptive mom.

We were notified that CC was in labor at about 7pm on August 14. he was born around 10. We knew we'd have to get B-dog taken care of and set up flights, etc so we knew we wouldn't be able to leave until the next morning. We told the assistant this. She said something to the effect of, "Can't you get there sooner? Allowing the birth mother all that time alone with the baby to bond makes her more likely to change her mind."

This was not the only awful, horrible, terrible thing this woman said. I told our agency about our unpleasant conversations with the assistant. I'm sure she's still working there.

This lawyer does set up semi-open communications with birth parents. It's a requirement for them. So I asked if they could facilitate additional interaction with birth parents beyond the once yearly communication and the assistant said no. They didn't offer any help with any of this. I had to figure it all out on my own while dealing with being a new parent. I felt unsupported. It was disappointing.

I have heard from CC and O a few times before Henry was 6 months. I haven't heard from them for a while. It does make me concerned. But I will continue to email and send pictures via the attorney. I hope that at some time they'll be ready to talk to us again.

Roundtable.

Time out?

Henry enjoying himself at a friend's lake house. He was really into splashing with that spoon.

I feel so busy. I haven't even had time to do any of my mommy things or hang out with my mommy friends lately. It bums me out, but moving requires being busy ALL the TIME and I just haven't been able to do anything lately. Once the contractors are working maybe I can do a little something.

We now need to start thinking about packing up. I'm overwhelmed by this, but we need to start. We are hoping to move in 3-4 weeks so be better get cracking.

Met some new neighbors at the new house. There are teen-aged babysitters there. Right next door! Excellent. I mean, my parents usually want to babysit, but if they can't or I just need an hour or two it's an excellent option.

I want to feel relaxed, but I don't. Maybe once the P&S is signed I'll feel a little relieved.

We called their bluff

I can't remember the last time I was this angry.

We told our buyers, "Take it or leave it."

They came back with, "But... but... but... we don't want to leave it but we want to pay less money. We told you that before!"

This ENRAGED me. ENRAGED. Too bad. Then someone else will buy it. Don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out. So again we said, "Take it or leave it."

They took it. They're buying the house at the originally agreed upon price. Woo!

And I feel like we won! (I hope that's not bad.) So all is good. We don't have to put the house back on the market.

And in other good news, the painter called and he can start working on Monday so the house will be move-in ready earlier than we had previously anticipated! Woo!

(I'm still pissed at our buyers, but at least we're selling the house on our terms. I hope they hate our neighbors.)

All I can think about...

is how we're going to piss away the money for our next adoption on an empty house. And these people who were going to buy our house are expecting a baby, of course.

It's funny how infertility affects parts of your life that you didn't expect.

Still not sure if they're in or they're out. I'm hoping to know for sure by the end of the day.

Bumps in the road

We're having some bumps in the road with selling the house, but I'm crossing my fingers that things will still work out. It's freaking me out a little.

I've been dealing with contractors on a daily basis. I'm bringing Henry and B-dog to the new house every day to help them get used to it. We put a pack n play in H's bedroom and he takes his afternoon nap there. As long as he has his lovey, he'll sleep. He's such a good sleeper. We're so lucky in that regard. (Well, we're lucky with him in so many ways it's difficult to count.)

Today was a sad day for me. I'm trying to get my family together to celebrate Henry's first birthday and one of my brother's family isn't going to be able to be there. I'm feeling rather angry about it right now. But we'll celebrate with my parents and my other brother's family. It's just how it is. It just feels like a big deal right now. The first birthday is a pretty significant one.

Then we hit the bump with selling the house.

I hated having a sad day because things are really good for us. I feel guilty feeling sad when our lives are truly very good, which they are.

So I'm trying to kick the sadness and remember the good. I'm sure it will be fleeting. Our buyers haven't backed out yet, so I guess that's good. I don't know what the deadline is for this so I'm not sure how long I'm going to be worried about it.

But I love the new house. I sat in the back yard with B-dog while Henry slept in his room. It was nice.

ETA:
I think they're going to back out. We're screwed. They wanted an enormous further reduction in price. We will not go down in price from what we originally agreed. Going down further will put us under water. It's ridiculous.

Have I mentioned we're screwed?

I really don't want to be ruined financially. Of my own making. It's not like someone got laid off or anything.

I feel miserable.

Under Agreement

We reached an agreeable price. I think they're getting a steal, but we can live with this.

They figured out about our mutual friend. Said mutual friend reassured me that it's perfectly ok for them to buy our house.

So, pending an inspection we should be closing in mid September.

Keep your fingers crossed!

I'm really looking forward to the new house. It is MUCH bigger and the neighborhood is quieter and full of kids. But as I look at the picture on my blog, I will miss this house. It's a beauty. Our new house isn't nearly as nice on the outside -- it's not a Victorian. It doesn't have those funky details. But it is a nice house and when we fix it up it will be even better. But I do feel a little bittersweet about letting this one go.

Offer

We just got our first offer on the house. It's pretty low, but we probably could get to a place where we could agree.

However, we looked at the names on the offer and it turns out that this couple knows one of T's closest friends. And they're expecting a baby.

I don't want to sell our house to someone who isn't a stranger. They know nothing of our awful neighbors. I feel like I should not let them buy the house as they will regret it soon.

Then again, maybe they have a higher tolerance for such things?

Plus, we haven't had any other offers and not selling this house will ruin us financially.

What would you do?

600

So, apparently I've had 600 posts. That's lot of posts. I've been blogging for a really long time now. I guess I'm bad at it now, and I know barely any people even read this any more. I mean, I don't blame people for not reading it. I only look at a few blogs myself these days. But I really don't want to retire this blog forever.

Our move is getting closer and we're closing in less than two weeks. It's scary. We haven't sold our house yet which is really depressing. We're going to lose so much money on this transaction that it frightens us a little. However, we feel really strongly that we couldn't stay in this house any longer. I love this house, but I can't say I don't regret buying it at all. I mean, I was really unhappy renting where we were renting before we bought this house. We needed to move. This house is really lovely and served us well. It just was the peak of the market and we put so much work into it. I don't know what I'm trying to say. I guess I wish I knew how iffy this neighborhood actually was. I knew it was the "city" but there are lots of streets nearby that are much, much quieter than our street. It's those two neighbors that ruin it, and I guess there was no way to know when we bought the house. If it weren't for those neighbors, we wouldn't be moving at all. So, basically we can blame those neighbors for losing us so much money. Oy. I have to talk about something else. This is sounding so "woe is me" and I don't like it. We do okay and it's "only" money. That's what I keep telling myself.

So, on to Henry, I guess.


He is turning into such a little boy. He is very busy all the time. He is so mobile now -- he can do everything but stand and walk by himself. But he pulls himself up, cruises around, sits down, crawls somewhere else and then pulls himself up. He's started moving around with his toys to bring them different places. He really won't let me feed him that much as he must do everything himself. He's got quite the independent and stubborn streak. Because he was such an easy baby, this takes us aback a little. He is, however, still a charmer and smiles all the time. He laughs easily and will pretty much always smile when I smile and laugh when I laugh.

I think, though I'm not sure, that he's started to say "Mama." But it's so difficult to tell. I was changing his diaper the other day and he looked right in my eyes and said, "Mama" as clear as day. But he does a lot of babbling, so I'm not sure if he was labeling me or if he just made that sound.

July is going to be a busy month. Really, I just hope, hope, hope that our house sells and we can forget all this bull$h1t and put this whole old house thing behind us. We need to move on.

Oh yeah. And one more thing.

Henry and I went to a party at T's office the other day. We saw one of T's co-workers who immediately cooed all over Henry. He has seen Henry before and has expressed his amazement at how much Henry looks like T. (Everyone tells us how much Henry looks like T. I understand where it comes from.) Anyway in his enthusiasm about how much they look alike this man said something to the extent of, "I mean, he looks as if he could actually be your son!"

To which I replied, "He is T's son."

But I don't think he got it.