Starting 2009

I didn't have to drive the crazies today. That part of my life is over, and it's sweet.

I'm starting to do some work for my new job, and I should be having a discussion to talk about the new job in more detail soon. It should start happening, which I am really looking forward to.

I'm trying to believe that 2009 is a new year and anything is possible. I'm trying to feel positive about it.

I guess I'm more ambivalent. I don't know how things will be. Things probably won't be worse and they could possibly better, but though I do still get sad, I think I'm mostly numb.

My mother asked about the facilitator the other day. I haven't done anything about it lately. I'm having second thoughts about her and think I may want to go with an out of state full service agency instead. But I'm not sure, and I need to talk about people who have completed adoptions using her. And I'm not sure my mother really understands how difficult all this stuff it. It made me sad that I haven't done anything else. I haven't felt motivated to change the book around, and I'm nervous about the way birth moms are given support when they have to leave the hospital without their baby. It made me really sad when she asked me about it. Now that we're waiting with our agency, I haven't felt motivated to do more. But if we do not want to wait two more years before bringing our baby home, so we need to do some additional searching.

Just like my desire to start exercising and losing weight (I am the heaviest I've been in years), I've been putting it off until after the holidays. And now it's after the holidays, but I can't seem to motivate.

Here's to motivation?