How things sorted out

Our Mac died on Sunday, so I've been away from blogs for a few days.

I had the dIUI on Monday. I told my manager that I had a last minute doctor's appointment and I went and then came back to work. I had my meeting later in the afternoon where I told her from time to time I will have a last minute doctor's appointment. She said okay, but that I should go tell HR so it will be on record that I let them know. She proceeded to tell me what a great job I am doing and that I am clearly "the cream of the crop" in my department.

The next day I made an informal meeting with HR and when the phones were slow and it was convenient for the HR person, I went over to talk to her. I let her know about the last minute doctor's appointment and she told me next time I should get a note on the doctor's letterhead from the doctor saying that these appointments have to be last minute.

To me I'm thinking, well there goes my confidentiality. I purposefully didn't want to tell them what doctor I was seeing and why, but this is going to be letterhead from a Midwives office, so they'll know something and it probably won't be the right thing. So I found that really frustrating. And then I sent an email to my manager saying I went to go talk to the woman in HR and she lightly reprimanded me for going to an "unscheduled meeting." How annoying! I'm an adult and I know when it's appropriate for me to go to a short 10 minute meeting. She knows I have really high production (she told me so in my meeting) and it makes me feel like a child to have to get permission like that. So, overall it was frustrating.

My friend E recommended that I get a note from my PCP, which I think it is a great idea. So that was a helpful suggestion. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. We only have 2 more of these IUIs left before I leave them behind forever.

The IUI itself was fine. Unfortunately T was not able to be there with me. That's the first time that happened. That was sad, but I guess any change might be a lucky one.

When I was walking into the room, a visibly pregnant midwife said to me cheerfully, "Congratulations!" I looked at her confused and said, "For what?"

Then they had me undress and get ready. When the midwife came in she said 'congratulations' again and I said 'for what' again, she said, "For ovulating." I told her she must not know my history because ovulation isn't the problem for me. I told her my whole history and I saw her eyes get wider and wider. She clearly didn't know how to react to me. That was a huge difference between going there and going to the RE's office. She said she hoped that her fertility (and pointed to her belly) would rub off on me. She was very nice, but it was a little strange to have a pregnant lady injecting some stranger's sperm into my uterus. What an odd scenario, eh?

Luckily I'm doing so much better around pregnant people and the sight of her didn't make me want to cry. There was a bulletin board in the room with tons of pictures of babies which kind of bummed me out after staring at it for 40 minutes or so before, during and after the procedure. But otherwise it was fine. The midwife said I had tons of fertile cervical mucus, so that is good too. I think the timing was spot on. So nothing to do but wait.

I'm drinking beer during this 2ww, though. At least for the first week.

So things are basically ok. We have a lot of stuff going on that is making me feel a bit stressed an crazy, but being busy makes the time go by easily, so that is a good thing. I'm trying to employ my new found ability to go zen -- just breathe and accept that this is the way things are. I'm doing okay. Nothing is horrible. Things are moving forward, slowly. It's okay. One step at a time.