Still bleeding. Last night was a particularly crampy one. Not fun. Took some ibuprophen and sat with the heating pad. Then I went to sleep. I feel much better this morning. B00bs don't really hurt any more. All of this points toward a pretty low number tomorrow, so that's good. After my blood test I'm going to spend the day with my parents. They are leaving for Florida in a couple of weeks, so they're happy I'm going to stop by.
I have therapy today. I guess that's a good thing. There is a RESOLVE support group tonight that I sort of feel like going to, but also don't. I mean, I'd like to go to a support group, but that one is usually full of newbies, and I just don't feel like being the veteran bitter person in a group of wide-eyed hopeful newbies. I don't want to receive that, "Oh my god, that is so awful I'm terrified of her bad luck," look from people. I wish there were a veterans group. There is an occasional miscarriage support group, but I think the same issue would exist there.
We're also looking into finally going to some adoption information seminars. We need to get more information on how it works. Luckily my therapist knows a lot about that, too. So, we shall see.
Still feeling lame and self pity-ing. I hate this person I have become in some ways, but I just don't feel ready to pull myself out of it. I need to wallow a little bit longer. Somehow I will find a way to be strong again, but I guess I'm just not ready yet.
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6 comments:
Maybe you can contact the RESOLVE person and inquire about starting up a group that isn't for newbies? I know I would feel much more comfortable talking with people with like experiences, not people just venturing out into this screwed up IF world.
Hang in there... take your time and wallow all you want.
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I think carey has a good idea. Perhaps leading an initiative to start a group for veterans would help you twofold - help yourself by being with others who truly understand your pain and also help them in the same way. It's nice to connect with people who are more in line with where you are - and in person, instead of just blogland. Though blogland can be comforting and the people are great, it's just a little different to be able to actually talk with someone over coffee/tea or something...
I hope you're feeling better soon. It's really a rough road isn't it...
Take whatever time you need to grieve this process. But I'm glad to hear you are also talking with others and exploring your options. That's a big step!
Hoping the numbers are helpful and you can start to move forward a little.
Wallow as long as you need!! What your going through sucks. I hope you feel better soon.. and win a TON of money in Vegas!!
You have to grieve this loss. Wallow all you need to.
Take the time you need to wallow. The fact that you want to pull yourself out of it is healthy, but there's no need to rush it.
On an unrelated note, if you get tired of gambling in Vegas, I suggest renting a sporty convertible with lots of power and driving out to the Grand Canyon. B & I wanted to do that when we were in Vegas 7 years ago, but we came down with food poisoning instead :(
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