I peed on an OPK today. I did it at work so it wouldn't be so early in the morning. It wasn't that clear. I think it was negative, but I wasn't 100% sure. I think this is the difference between first morning urine and not first morning urine. I was going to pee on another one, but I decided to just do first morning urine tomorrow. And if I have a temp spike tomorrow morning, I can just have my IUI tomorrow, no big deal. The timing would still be fine. I have the sperm in the garage, so we are all set.
So, T and I have decided we have begun to utter sentences we never imagined we would utter. "I have the sperm in the garage," is definitely one of those sentences. How many people have said this? "Rachel has to go pick up our sperm tomorrow," is something else T has said -- and then thought about it, and then is amazed at the things that come out of his mouth. It's so weird. We imagine that we are the first people in all of human history to say these things. If you don't laugh, you'll end up crying.
I'm hopeful the IUI will happen this weekend. If not, it should be by early next week. I hope it's the weekend, though. Then I won't have to take time off work. But there's nothing I can do about it. It happens when it happens.
I keep trying to imagine a scenario where this IUI works and I get pregnant. I know I hope and I pray and I freak out about being pregnant, but I am at this point where I can't imagine that it might be so. How could this possibly work? I can only think about what will be next. Will we do another Cl0mid round? When we run out of vials from this donor, will we try to find a new one? Will I start monitoring? It doesn't even occur to me that we may not have to do this again. I mean, I want it to work. I hope it works. I pray it works. I do not want to do this again. But I can't imagine that it will work and we won't have to make another decison.
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7 comments:
I know what you mean about wanting it to work, but not expecting to!
I hope you'll get your spike tomorrow.
Rachel, I'm sure you have used lots of OPKs, but I'm confused. My clinic always told me that you can NOT do first morning urine because it gives false positive, which happened to me. They told me (as did some kits) that the urine can't be more than 4 hours in your bladder. So they had me pee first thing in am, then again in 4 hours while drinking limited fluids to reduce dilution.
Sorry if this is something you already know, I just was so bitter that I messed it up way back when, cause the kits I bought were super-cheapy ones that lied.
Hoping you won't need to make anymore decisions and can just enjoy this winter.
I am totally laughing at the sperm in the garage!
I can't imagine that an IUI will work either - I always have me next cycle's plan in place. I wish I could think that maybe I'll get lucky on one cycle and not have to plan for the next.
I hope you have some success and don't have to come up with a next plan.
I agree about the OPK - my RE says the best time to take them is around 2pm.
The sperm in the garage sentence totally caught me off guard, and I've even purchased sperm. But I had it shipped directly to the clinic.
I hope it works out for you to have the IUI this weekend, and that you're done making hard decisions.
it is such a weird feeling investing so much in something that you can't exactly seem to believe in, isn't it? i think i've still got that going on to some degree.
hope the timing has worked out this weekend.
I understand, I'm always planning for what's next no matter where I am in cycle. I can be on CD2 of a medicated IUI cycle and I'm planning on how we will afford DE early next year. Oy, this is freaking crazy.
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