On hold

T and I have decided to put this whole embryo donation thing on hold. Our west coast donors haven't been responsive. I don't have a strong desire to be pregnant. Things are crazy busy. We are hopeful a traditional adoption will come through within the next year. For now we are putting the embryo donation process on hold.

Sad again

This episode has made me sad again. I am so ready for a baby *right now* that I'm just not sure how to proceed.  I have no particular interest in experiencing pregnancy. I am much more interested in expediency. I'm just not sure which route will be faster.

I mean, if we do this embryo donation thing, which I'm not even sure is likely because the potential west coast donor has not been particularly communicative with us unless we're being really forward, then it's going to be a year before a baby. Without question.

If we just wait, there is the possibility that a baby could come sooner. But it's also possible it would take even longer than a year.

All I know is that this really sucks and I'm sad. And the check engine light on my car came on this morning and I'm kind of pissed about it. And I still miss my dog a lot (even though I have to admit life is much easier without him here). But I just miss him.

I feel so lonely all of the time. Staying at home can be such a challenge sometimes because I am extremely extroverted, and talking with other adults helps me unwind and relax. I don't get to do that particularly often. I find myself jealous when people post on "Face Space" that they have a meeting. Meetings suck -- I remember well -- but I just wish I could be in a room with adults only for an hour and talk about something that doesn't involve going to the bathroom or making a mess.

Hoo boy, I am a mess right now. And I don't even have PMS.

Blah.

Not happening

I just heard from the adoption agency. The expectant mom is no longer returning their phone calls. This whole thing was possibly a ruse to do something about the relationship between expectant mom and expectant dad.

Sigh.

Oh well.

We cancelled a bunch of embryo donation meetings in the hope that this thing might work out. Now I am again re-thinking the whole embryo donation thing.

I am so confused about what to do next.

And another thing

Just got a call from the adoption agency about an expectant mom with a baby due in two weeks.

There is virtually no information, but we are potentially interested. We are awaiting more medical information about mom and baby.

This is crazy. I have no idea where this is going to go. My head is spinning. I'm not sure whether or not to be excited.

But we are going to be presented to an expectant mom who is due very soon. Not having a long match would be so ideal at this point.

We will see where this wave takes us.