Status Quo

Things are generally the same. I spent time with my friend E and her son S on Sunday. E and I were pregnant at the same time way back in the day and now she has S. He is two. She also recently had a third miscarriage trying for a second child. We talked about that a little bit -- how much it just sucks, but how having S helps her so much.

S is a delight. He's a wonderful kid and was so happy to see me and spend time together. We ran through the sprinkler and kicked the ball and splashed in the bucket. He's really talking well now and can communicate what he wants and doesn't want quite well. I was struck with how tall he has gotten since I've seen him last. He's also the spitting image of his father, which is a slight kick in the gut for me.

It made me much less sad than I thought I would be to hang out. It does hurt a little to see what we're missing -- toddlers can be so great. But I really did okay with the visit, and that made me pretty proud of myself.

We told my brother and SIL (and their kids) that we have submitted an adoption application. They weren't surprised at all. The kids were a little excited. It seems weird that they weren't surprised, but I guess that is to be expected. They knew we had trouble. They knew we wanted kids. They knew about the DIs. Since none of it worked, it is the logical next step.

Tomorrow we are having our individual visits with the social worker for our home study. We haven't done any work at all on our Dear Birth Parent letter or our book that we have to make. I am trying to collect pictures for the book so that I can be choosy about which ones I put in there, so I suppose that's something. We really need to sit and work on it, but doing so is incredibly depressing and I don't know how we can motivate ourselves to work on this very important but very difficult thing. Getting T to write his autobiography was like pulling teeth. I suppose I can do most of the meaty work for this stuff and have him approve and proof read and edit. So I need to get off my ass.

I've been so busy trying not to be sad, and doing a reasonably good job of it, that I find it really difficult to take care of this stuff. But I guess I just need to get a draft out of me and give it to someone who can help us tweak it.

Things are as they are. Work is fine. T's work is busy and a bit difficult. People are pregnant and having babies all over the place. We are still here.