Not much

Things are going fine. The shots are fine. I'm not bruising (thank you, belly fat!) and I'm not feeling any effects. It's fine.

Both T and I are having stressful times at work, but we're coping. I'm exercising a little (but not too hard) and that's helping me with my stress. I'm freaking out about the exercising and I keep looking for articles about IVF and exercise. As far as I can tell, it's just important to not do hard core exercise, and not to exercise more than 4 hours per week. We have an elliptical, and I'm using it lightly for less than half an hour every other day. That should be okay, right? It certainly helps my mood, and I would hate to lose it. I keep meaning to ask someone at the RE's office, but I haven't.

Also, who has those progesterone suppositories. I just saw something from the pharmacy where I got the drugs and it said to take of the plastic wrapping. Well, it looks like a gelcap, and to take off the wrapping would be to extrude goo from the gelcap. What are they talking about? Again, I have plenty of time before I use them and I will ask before I do, but I just don't get it.

I wish I had something more exciting to say, but I don't. My purse is coming along well.

I did it!

I just did 10 units of Lu*pron. T sat next to me and the Oscars were on as a distraction. It didn't hurt at all. Thank you so much to those who left me words of wisdom about the injections. They helped me so much. And it's a good thing I have lots of belly fat because that makes it hurt less. :) I'm trying to keep a positive spin on things, right?

So, now the spot is red and a little itchy. Is that normal?

So I've officially started now. It's really just hard to believe. Somehow, I never thought this would happen.

I took myself to the craft store and bought a whole bunch of yarn. I'm going to make myself this adorable purse, though in different colors. I also bought yarn for a sweater, but I may have to make the pattern up in my head. But, I want it to sort of look like this.

Talked to my mom today, and I mentioned I was starting my injections. She totally doesn't understand this process at all. She asked me, "So how often do you have to do that? Once a month?" I set her straight. She was surprised at how labor intensive this whole process is. And I told her that I have an easy protocol. It's funny how entrenched I am in this whole thing now. It's bizarre to me when people don't get it.

Big Day

Arriving home from work today I found several interesting things in the mail.

1) My meds arrived. I wasn't expecting them until tomorrow, but that's okay. I've seen pictures of other people's meds, and mine don't look like much. Of course, I have progesterone suppositories and not the PIO injections, so maybe that's why. I'm also only doing Lu*pron and Folli*stim injections, so that's not much either. The Lu*pron says it's a 14 day supply, and I think i have to inject that for longer than 14 days, but I'm only doing 10 units and then when I start stims decreasing to 5 units, so I think it should be enough. It came with its own syringes, and I also got a supply of more. Not sure why that happened either. I better figure it out, though.

2) Our approval came. We had some problems with insurance and we had to switch insurance and it took so long for everything to fall into place that our approval expired, but I got a letter in the mail saying we have approval for 3 cycles through August. So that's set.

3) Our reimbursement came. We have to pay for the PGD up front, so we got a nice, fat check for that payment today. That's just such a great thing.

So now I have to wait until Sunday for my first injection.

Scared

I just watched an injection video, and I'm starting to get scared. I know hundreds of women do this daily (not to mention diabetics and the like) and I'm sure once I do it once or twice, I'll be much less scared, but for now I'm scared. It's kind of funny because I'm not afraid of needles in any way. They don't bother me. I am used to being poked with needles, and I used to work in a dialysis unit where there were needles everywhere, all the time. But I jut prefer if it's someone else poking me. T cannot do it. He's a bit afraid. So, I have to do it for myself, and I'm a little scared.

Can you give me hints about injection sites? My instructor told me to only do it in the belly area, but the video says to shift around. What did/do you do? How about when you have more than one injection per day? Advice, ladies?

Spilled the beans

One of the women I work with is a counselor. I had mentioned we were planning to have dinner with my friend S this weekend, and she asked me if S was married. I said yes, and this launched into a discussion of friends who were married and how early or late people got married. This made me think of Margo because we had a similar discussion. Where she is from, people tend to get married and have kids early.

This lead to a discussion about T's bt. She mentioned her sister-in-law had a miscarriage while on vacation. Then, of course, I had to mention my most recent miscarriage in Mexico. I said, 'I had my most recent miscarriage while on vacation,' and she said, 'Most recent?' So I sort of spilled the beans about everything. I told her I had three. She was amazed. I told her about IVF with PGD. I told her I was going to do it (but didn't say exactly when). She said she's a counselor and used to keeping things confidential.

I just can't not talk about this. I just can't keep things inside. If asked, I'm going to spill the beans. I try like hell to shut myself off, but I can't. I need to tell people things. I think it will be okay, and I was sort of planning on bringing it up with my boss at some point, but the cat's out of the bag now.

I hope I don't worry about this. I don't think I will. But I'm spilling my story, slowly, at work.

Schedule

Well, I have a schedule.

I started the pill on 2/11.
I receive my meds in the mail on 2/22.
I start Lu*pron injections on 2/25.
I stop the pill on 3/3.
I should get my period about 3/8 - 3/10.
I reduce the Lu*pron and start the Folli*stim around 3/11.
I have a blood test around 3/14.
I start my ultrasounds around 3/16.
Estimated egg retrieval 3/23.
Estimated embryo transfer (if there are any) 3/28.

So I guess this is real.

Surprise

Without expectation, af arrived today. I was quite taken aback. I expected to have to wait another week. I talked it out with T, and we did determine that today was 28 days from the first spotting from the miscarriage. So, despite my continuing high hCg levels, I must have ovulated when I think I did, and I had a nice, short cycle this time around. Weird. You never know.

So, I'm off to the pharmacy to get bcps and I am starting today. That means that in approximately three weeks, I'm going to start injections.

It's been so long since my injection lesson, it makes me a little nervous. But I feel like I remember enough, and I also know there's a tutorial online from the RE's office. The only thing I remember about the medication, though, is that I'm starting with Lu*pron.

I guess I have to call my PGD coordinator tomorrow.

Same old same old

Things are not very exciting here. Some co-workers of T's got engaged and we went to their 'engagement brunch' this morning. It was nice. Mellow. It's so funny to see how I know that we're old. We talked about alarm systems (T and I just had one installed) and bank accounts. It's crazy how old we are!

A different co-worker of T's who lives around the corner was broken into. Computer stuff and a passport were stolen. The cops told them there has been a rash of robberies in our neighborhood. Several a day. And T and I have seen broken car glass on the ground a lot lately. So, we decided it would be smart to have one installed. So we did. I'm glad. It wasn't too expensive, and it's good piece of mind. That's what I did on my day off Friday.

I worked all last weekend, so I took Friday off. I do autism research and I was being trained on how to diagnose autism (mostly for research purposes). It was interesting and enjoyable. I used to be a teacher, and it was nice to work with actual kids again. It had been a while.

I'm feeling a little sad. Monday morning we have an appointment with our therapist. I think that I'm going to go alone this week. Things have been a little slow during our sessions lately.

I started watching a move with Jennifer Aniston and Paul Rudd where he's gay and she's pregnant and she tries to get him to raise the baby with her. I didn't really think about it much. Then they hear the baby's heartbeat. I started crying and shut off the movie. How stupid am I? I think that I'm fine. I don't freak out when I see pregnant women the way I used to. But still, I can only take so much. I don't know why I can't remember to protect myself sometimes.

Haven't been talking to E too much lately. We've both been very busy, but it feels like there's something else too. I try to email her so I don't feel like we've lost touch. But I still feel like there's a cavern between us. Baby S is 7 months old already. He's sitting up now.

I'm just glad tomorrow is Sunday.

back to zero

I had another blood test and my hCg was back down to 0. I expected it, as I'm pretty sure I already ovulated, but it's nice to be sure. So, as soon as af comes I can start the pill. I can even switch to the pill I used to be on in order to prevent pregnancy, as if I can remember such a time. So things are moving forward.

I've been working on trying to get reimbursed for the PGD. I was on the phone with the insurance woman for almost an hour. Our insurance changed because my job changed, and I had to get everything straightened out. Some things are on the old insurance, some things are on the new insurance, and some things needed to be transferred. I had to get some things faxed to me and fax some of those things to other people, but I think I finally have it straightened out.

Our approval for 3 IVF cycles lasted 6 months. It runs out on 3/7/2007. By then we will have just started our first cycle. This is taking forever.