tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26805135.post2856685264239769850..comments2023-05-01T11:01:19.417-05:00Comments on Henry Street: Thoughts on yarn, food and adoptionRachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02996214314229242361noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26805135.post-72738518338722648142008-01-29T23:49:00.000-05:002008-01-29T23:49:00.000-05:00I'd like to start out by saying that I agree with ...I'd like to start out by saying that I agree with all of the comments that basically say potential adoptive parents may have any kind of preference that they want. Some people really want a girl. Others may really want a boy. Sexist? I don't think so. I do wonder, if I don't know the reason, why a person who very much wants to adopt would only want one gender or another, but they are entitled to limit their search if they want. I don't think anyone should adopt a child unless they are committed to giving that child a loving home, so it's probably better that the potential adoptive parent figures out their own preferences and limits their adoptive search accordingly. <BR/><BR/>That said, I look nothing like my biologically-related sisters. And my children are not likely to look just like me. Not every biologically related family shares hair color, eye color, or even skin color. <BR/><BR/>Other posters' experiences may be different than mine, but I know many people who are racially mixed, which means they grew up with one or two parents who are considered in the US to be of a different race. And it's not been that big of a deal. My husband is mixed and he was raised by a single mom; I asked for his take on this issue and he said that he never wondered why he was a different color from his mom, and he never had to explain it to anyone either. <BR/><BR/>I know that there are opinions out there about white families adopting non-white kids, but the fact is that there are a lot of non-white kids (as well as a lot of white kids) in the foster care system who need a loving home whatever the color of the parents. When it comes to Native American kids who need homes, there are laws in place that require looking first for a Native American parent (or parents) for placement, but I have seen many wonderful placements with non-Native American foster-to-adoptive parents. There just are not enough Native placements, even when they must be considered first. <BR/><BR/>If you are concerned about how the child is going to feel about the adoption, in terms of losing his/her culture, consider whether the alternative is a loving adoptive home or some less preferable alternative like long term foster care or placement in a group home. <BR/><BR/>I get that parents want kids that look like them. I personally look forward to having a baby that looks like some blend of myself and my husband. But I don't think all of the concerns about interracial adoption are as prevalent as people fear. I would not compare raising a child who has a different skin color than myself to be like raising a child with a disability. <BR/><BR/>I like that this is a very supportive community and I do see that every other comment has already said don't feel guilty about your preferences. I am not posting to preach that you should go out and adopt a Latino or African American child. But I wanted to chime in with some of my experiences and those of my husband (and friends of mine/ours too)--blended families can be beautiful. <BR/><BR/>It also probably affects my view that my extended family is full of families with both biological and adopted kids.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26805135.post-31433340674727364572008-01-24T19:22:00.000-05:002008-01-24T19:22:00.000-05:00Don't feel guilty. Remember if you bring a child ...Don't feel guilty. Remember if you bring a child of another race into your home there are a ton of things to consider. For example, you have to embrace that childs heritage. The child won't look like you so you have to be ready to have people ask questions. If the child is african american there are many who don't think white people should adopt african american chldren and will be sure to tell you. It's all about your comfort level. Oddly enough I was just talking to my therapist about this topic last night. I realized that I'm perfectly comfortable w/a hispanic child, but not african american. It's just me. Not right. Not wrong. Just my comfort zone. I also realized that if we aren't successful w/DI we'll move onto Colombia.Happyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14335137784267157167noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26805135.post-2745030801112412512008-01-24T18:13:00.000-05:002008-01-24T18:13:00.000-05:00I completely agree that you are not racist. Couple...I completely agree that you are not racist. Couples who are able to make babies the old-fashioned way get children who look like them. You have made so many sacrifices in the interest of becoming a parent. You have every right to draw the line at the end of your comfort zone.<BR/><BR/>When we told my brother and his fiancee that we were going to try to get pg w/DI, and told him about the donor we had selected, he asked me if we had considered using a donor of another race. I assume the question was indirectly motivated by the fact that his fiancee is Asian. We told him that we hadn't looked at any non-white donors. I don't think they took that as us being racist. It just wasn't something we were comfortable with. <BR/><BR/>An a totally different note, I love the notion of you as a hip tween designer. I've always thought you could turn the knitting thing into more than a hobby. I bet if your hats took off with the young crowd, you could charge a ton of money for them!ultimatejourneyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01385256618267945461noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26805135.post-59773143917343249952008-01-24T15:14:00.000-05:002008-01-24T15:14:00.000-05:00I totally agree with everyone here. It's a matter...I totally agree with everyone here. It's a matter of what you are comfortable with and it does not make you a racist. <BR/>As a wife of an adopted man (also daughter and sister of adoptees), I have seen first hand how just being adopted has affected him. Growing up not knowing where he came from and who he looks like; wondering who were his (birth) parents and why did they give him away? I have seen my mom cry with joy at healing the lost connection by finding her birth father. It just seems like there's already enough "stuff" and that added layer you mention of it being obvious to everyone would/could be that much harder. Just like I would search for a woman that looked as much like me as possible or a man that looked like my husband if we were doing donor gametes, I would want any kid of mine to look like us because his/her birth story is his/hers to tell. <BR/>Also, the selfish side of me would not want people to be able to just look at us and figure our infertility story - "Oh, they must not be able to have their "own" kids. How sad." Just my opinion...Gumbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15777638943346918789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26805135.post-43447650348932658042008-01-24T12:26:00.000-05:002008-01-24T12:26:00.000-05:00It's a difficult topic. But if you think about it...It's a difficult topic. <BR/>But if you think about it in reverse, no one expects that an African American couple should prefer a Caucasian child, nor are they called racist for wanting one the same race as themselves.<BR/> <BR/>It *should* not be any different for a Caucasian couple.<BR/><BR/>Sadly, it is perceived differently though. But being honest about what you want for your family does NOT make you a racist.beaglehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17627886826215379414noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26805135.post-55232944789259265992008-01-24T08:32:00.000-05:002008-01-24T08:32:00.000-05:00Exactly, everyone's path is different. When we we...Exactly, everyone's path is different. When we were discussing the issue of race and adoption we said we had no problems with an interracial adoption. Like Reality, we felt we could love any child. But in all honesty as I thought more on it, I had more concerns. Similar to yours. Our marriage in interfaith too, and it just seemed that things could be so complicated for that child. I don't know what decision I would have reached, as things have changed now. But I guess what I am saying is that I understand your concerns and worries. And they are more for what the child will go through, so I know that you will make a good decision for your family.Waiting Amyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07487061896648183375noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26805135.post-13900215888875532432008-01-24T03:24:00.000-05:002008-01-24T03:24:00.000-05:00I think it's just another one of those things that...I think it's just another one of those things that isn't right for everyone. Like adoption, IVF, gamete donation etc etc. Not all paths are right for everyone. It's just how it is.Mehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11342071625881436631noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26805135.post-59593425947518957222008-01-23T22:42:00.000-05:002008-01-23T22:42:00.000-05:00I dont think it makes you a bad person. Its the sa...I dont think it makes you a bad person. Its the same as saying that you would rather not have a child with disabilities. Its all a matter of what you feel equipped to handle. And you have to be the judge of that.Vanessahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15254789995738390925noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26805135.post-30709346396542842072008-01-23T22:21:00.000-05:002008-01-23T22:21:00.000-05:00First, on the diet and ovulation article, I read t...First, on the diet and ovulation article, I read that and decided to go ahead and try it. I pretty much was already following their recommendations except the whole milk one. So now I drink whole milk and eat whole milk yogurt and cheese. I've been doing it since December, and I've actually lost a little weight because i've been watching what I eat more. No ovulation, however. I did have 26 days of bleeding in a row :( hey, that probably would have happened anyway.<BR/><BR/>On adoption, I go back and forth and side to side on what I might want, what I could accept, and just can't figure it out. It's tough. I don't think you're racist for wanting a child the same race as you, and would never presume to judge you about it.Samanthahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02799401502134619497noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26805135.post-35120175087228091382008-01-23T21:17:00.000-05:002008-01-23T21:17:00.000-05:00I have thought long and hard about the race issue ...I have thought long and hard about the race issue thing. I don't really care if I had a purple kid or one with polka dots. I just want a kid. But, as an adoptee myself, I think it would be easier for the kid if their history wasn't displayed in public everytime they were with us. I think it would be easier for the child to be the same race as we are. If the child wants to tell his/her story, I want it to be the child's choice. I don't want the child to be questioned/forced to explain why their parents are white. Make sense?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com